If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I could make wine with my vomit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
