I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
