if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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