When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
