Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
