Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
