Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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