There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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