Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
