So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
