4 words: hood of his car
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
