haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
