think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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