I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
