Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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