Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
