U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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