I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
