Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
