my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
