Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
