we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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