I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Alive.
So much puke
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
