I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
