singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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