New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
