How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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