Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
