I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
