the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
