He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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