Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
