So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
