He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Enjoy the penises
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
