once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
