"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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