I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
