I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
please come you make the beer taste better
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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