I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
