The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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