what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
