he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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