Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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