don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
