oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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