Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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