Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
