judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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