is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
