and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
