i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
