mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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