PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
