Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
