Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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