dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
